Ode to Mindy Kaling

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Disclaimer: I wrote this post a while ago but kept forgetting to share. My apologies for holding out.  

I just finished reading Mindy Kaling’s book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? – I literally put it down seconds ago. It was a good book; Funny at many points, which got me some weird looks on the bus, interesting in a backstage look at my favorite show ever kind of way, and fluffy enough to read on my lunch break without losing track of what was going on. By the way, I don’t feel bad calling the book fluffy because now that I’ve read it, it’s like I know the real Mindy Kaling.

The book got me thinking - in a non-theoretical, non-scientific, non-profound way. First, I thought, Mindy and I could really bond (if only given the chance!) over our shared view of how a guy should act and what constitutes comedy gold  - Two parts Will Farrell, a healthy portion of Tina Fey, a little Amy Pohler on the side, and a dash of awkwardness via Ricky Gervais’ David Brent. I also quickly realized that it would be impossible to read the book without hearing Kelly Kapoor’s voice in my head (or Mindy Kaling’s voice? It’s all very confusing). This wasn’t really a problem for me but may have inadvertently lessened the credibility of the book to a level say, on-par with anything Paris Hilton has written.

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Actually, I knew Mindy and I would be best friends (if only given the chance!) immediately after reading the photo caption on the back cover; I hadn’t even opened the book yet. After we bonded, in my mind, I determined that ours would be the kind of friendship where I could critique Mindy’s work without coming off as a critic - Some good old fashioned constructive feedback if you will. So I did, but the only thing I could come up with is Mindy works too hard to make it seem like she’s cool being regular sized. What a horrible thing, to support average women and reinforce a healthy body image to young girls. All this chat about chubbiness, too-small designer clothes, and running only makes me wonder just how chubby is she? Could we share clothes? At more than one point I wanted to violently shake her while yelling “I like you, very much. Just as you are.”

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Once I embraced my obsession with the idea that we could be real-life friends (if only given the chance) I turned my focus to other things and immediately thought - I could totally write a book like this. I’ve had awkward moments growing up. I have horrible workplace stories that are only now funny.  Why wouldn’t strangers want to compare their own list of all time favorite SNL Digital Shorts to mine? Oh wait, I don’t work in LA, on a television set, no one knows my voice or mannerisms, they can’t read this in my tone – which makes the overuse of commas and dashes extremely confusing. Ok, I get it now.

But, just in case you were curious, here are my favorite SNL Digital Shorts, in no particular order because that would be like choosing a favorite child (don't tell but it's definitely Mother Lover Giraffes! Jack Sparrow Lazy Sunday)

Giraffes!

It’s so simple my parents would think it's stupid, but somehow these 3 minutes make me laugh until I cry. Once I start I can’t stop and I watch it over and over again in some sort of twisted overindulgent pleasurable punishment that makes me all puffy eyed the next morning.

Dick In A Box /  Mother Lover

Dick in a Box is a classic. I remember memorizing and then performing the hand gestures in this song to impress all my friends. Although Mother Lover didn’t seem to garnish as much attention, I find the premise even funnier. I hear “Oh Dang. What is it dog? I forgot it’s Mother’s Day” and it’s over – pull up youtube, I’ve gotta see the video clip.

Jizz in My Pants

I can remember where I was the first time I saw this – like generations before me can recall hearing that Elvis had died or Lennon had been shot. I’m not comparing it to the immensity of these events, but I did rewind SNL and watch it two or three more times before returning to my regularly scheduled program.

Lazy Sunday

Can we just all agree that The Lonely Island is genius? Not only is the song about seeing the Chronicles of Narnia, process that for a minute, but The Office borrowed the idea for Lazy Scranton which was equally funny.

Like A Boss

This digital short spawned its own catch phrase – if that’s not proof that you’re doing something right I don’t know what is.

Jack Sparrow

Magical is the only way I know to describe this. Honestly, what else besides magic could propel Michael Bolton back into the realm of cool? Dating Nicollette Sheridan couldn’t do it, and that was when Desperate Housewives was at it’s prime.  

My only hope is that Mindy, incredibly tired and bored after a long day on the set of her new show, takes to the internet and, indulging a bit, Googles Mindy Kaling + funny and finds this little piece of writing, and then immediately seeks me out using her NSA or CIA connections, and then we become best friends... and I bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles and we all eat it and be happy...

Enjoy!

Calli

Hey Girl,

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The perfect man. Period. This is all I want of life...

Enjoy!

Calli

Patio Season

I live in a condo so my spring gardening and yard maintenance is next to nothing - a few pots to clean out and re-plant. However this weekend we headed out to our family cabin on a nearby lake to prepare for summer. After just one day of dusting, washing, sweeping, and mowing, our patio is margarita ready - bring on summer!

I really love my low maintenance condo but the privacy and feeling of retreat that a backyard, big or small, provides is unmatched, especially as a venue for summer bar-b-ques, water fights, and late night camping. Although I don't have a full backyard, I do have a lovely little patio overlooking downtown - green space, in some form or another, was essential when house shopping. 

These lovely patios are proof that no matter the size, or budget, you can create a wonderful outdoor space - just in time for summer.

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A gorgeous stone fireplace gets some old-world charm from climbing ivy. I can just imagine sitting in front of the fire, under the open sky, on a crisp June night.

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I love how attainable this patio is - square cement paving stones set in a grid pattern over a bed of loose gravel for drainage - and the straight lines and kept lawn make my knees weak.

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The tile and high walls make this eclectic dining area feel exotic and remote - not just another patio in sunny LA.

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Amazing what a little colour can do to a space - indoors or out. I would start every day of summer on that little bench, latte in hand.

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Gorgeous concrete steps create a fun bridge, and architectural element, between two levels in this backyard - when budget isn't a concern. 

Enjoy!

Calli

"Hey, Nice Table...

... can I buy you a drink while we discuss the stamped tin ceiling tiles and reconditioned wood plank floors?"

And that would be it, I'd be a goner - no corny pickup lines or fancy sports car needed. Although a well fitting suit couldn't hurt.  

Unfortunately that is also where the night would end. Admiring flooring leads to discussing bar stools, and after touching up your lip gloss in the bathroom, faucets and back-splash are up for debate which easily parlays into how you would design your own restaurant... it's last call before you know it and the Ryan Gosling look-alike (who, it turns out, really does have a sports car) pays the bill and bolts, free at last - no one can keep up with a decor nerd in a trendy restaurant.

But enough about my perfect Friday night. Restaurants really can be a great place for design inspiration - or to daydream about expensive installations and designer furniture.

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Add in some delicious food and fabulous company and you've got a perfect evening!

Calli

Hey Girl,

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I have been known to make a pretty mean spreadsheet.

Happy Wednesday!

Calli

Perfection Found - Bohemian Bedroom

It's music festival season and seeing photos from Coachella, king of the concert circuit, have stirred up some emotions I'm not used to dealing with.

First, and most obvious, I am insanely jealous of everyone lucky enough to attend and take in the fabulous performances. The weather looks sunny, the fashion unique, and the performances unbelievable. I can't wait to see what they'll do next year. 

Secondly, I seem to be growing an appreciation for quilted patterns, tasseled throw blankets, and mixed and matched layers of colour, texture, and print. Normally a lover of minimalist, clean, and modern looks, I'm not sure where this new appreciation for bohemian design will lead.

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However I'm sure I will revert back to my love of clean lines soon - it's only a matter of time. Until then, enjoy this colourful bedroom.

Have a wonderful day,

Calli

AWOL

The other day a friend reminded me that I hadn’t posted since May 5^th.

I apologize for the disappearing act – and for taking off without so little as a goodbye note. If it eases your mind I can assure you I was not trapped under anything heavy, I have not forgotten about you, and I definitely did not fall out of love with crafting/painting/baking...

The only way I can describe my absence is that I’ve been in a funk.

For the past two weeks I have had zero desire to take initiative, exert energy, or shower. Luckily, as I still have to go to work, I’ve forced myself to do that last one regularly. I bake but can’t be bothered to photograph anything, and when I open my computer I browse Pinterest in a zombie-like state instead of trying to write anything funny or insightful.

I’d like to have something to hold responsible for my complete lack of motivation but I’m too tired to try and place blame. No, wait, I can do this... Maybe I’m getting sick?

Even as I fumble through this post I’m feeling funk-ish; on a sunny long weekend, how disappointing.  Somehow  I’ve got to  change that “ish” to a “y” and get my groove back – a little suffix shuffle if you will.

I apologize for the abundance of musical themed puns in that last sentence – It was uncalled for and unnecessary but further proof that something is not right.

In an attempt to force myself into funk remission I’ve got plans to bake this week; it has never let me down before but if it doesn’t work at least there will be chocolate cake to down my sorrows. If you need me I’ll be in my kitchen – hopefully not trapped under anything heavy.

Have a great week!

Calli

A Bit of Brilliance - Colourful Geometrics

Lovely spring colours in amazing geometric shapes create something really special. Beautiful macaroons in rich hues, patterned nails to match your throw pillows, delicious striped heels, and a fabulous honeycomb toy basket - is anything better?

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As I eluded to earlier this week, I'm heading off to sunny Las Vegas for the weekend. In fact, as you read this there's a good chance I'm shopping my little heart out!  Have a fabulous weekend and I'll be back in a few days.

Enjoy!

Calli

Perfection Found - Collected Living Room

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Where do I start with this lovely living room? Upon first inspection a few fabulous pieces stand out - the chrome pendant light, hung nice and low to be admired by all, a graphic print framed in black plays perfectly off of the eye catching area rug, and an airy glass cabinet blends seamlessly into the far corner but still has something special to offer with great hardware. 

However to admire the true mix and match genius in this space you have to look a bit further. An average sofa is given some oomph with an assortment of printed pillows, two basic frosted glass tables have more impact when grouped together, and basic white walls are an after thought thanks to the amazing architectural window. 

This room perfectly summarizes all that can be achieved with some mixing and matching - embrace those hand-me-down pieces, offset them with a few key elements, and you are on your way to extraordinary. 

Enjoy!

Calli

Hey Girl,

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Really!?! I don't think it's a big deal either but my last boyfriend wouldn't stop complaining...

Happy Hump Day!

Calli

Veggie Tales

I have been eating nothing but vegetables and lean protein for the last two weeks.

No wait, that’s not right.

I have been trying to eat nothing but vegetables and lean protein for the last two weeks.

And you know what this little science experiment has taught me? I don’t like vegetables and lean protein nearly as much as I thought I did.

Isn’t “getting healthy” a drag? Notice my use of quotations that question if it’s really working.

The main issue? I don’t like to deprive myself. Partially because I think women should be judged on an array of factors other than what they may look like naked, and partially because, when I limit myself, I simply disregard all the rules and do what I want anyway. In a weird bi-polar, lose-lose situation, half of me is completely satisfied and the other half feels worthless for having such abysmal willpower.

I may have some issues to address with a psychologist. Who doesn’t nowadays?

A couple weeks ago, with a trip to Las Vegas around the corner and the threat of swimsuit season on the horizon, I decided to start eating healthy. Not that I wasn’t eating well before – we regularly cook at home and some of my favourite recipes are waistline conscious – but I decided to take it a step further, towards the diet zone, without the full commitment of a diet. After all, how could I ever take myself seriously again after buying into some ridiculous 500 calorie/day diet featured in a magazine?

I decided to cut out processed foods, bread, pasta, and junk food. My moral superiority argued that most of these foods are unhealthy for a plethora of reasons besides simply making you fat; chalked full of chemicals I can’t pronounce and an overdose of sugar and salt. I told myself I wasn’t just some silly girl attempting to get skinny for bathing suits and night clubs, I was getting healthy!

If you’ve read carefully you’ll notice I started this program when it hit me that Vegas+Summer = Swimsuits. Clearly I’m just as shallow as everyone thought.

In order to keep myself on track I decided to make ‘getting healthy!’ into a competition. The idea of living longer and having more energy hasn’t worked in the past so this time I was going to earn points for breaking certain bad habits and making healthy choices, and then reward myself with shoes and a new curling iron once I’d accumulated enough points. No, I did not reward myself with food – I’m not a dog. I set up a calendar on my fridge and promised to keep track for 4 weeks before taking off to Vegas.

My main goals: to pack a healthy lunch, drink more water, skip Starbucks in the morning, and avoid snacking in front of the tv at night.

I know it’s wrong and oh-so-materialistic but in my defense I belong to Gen Y – don’t we do silly things like this? Darn you MTV and marketing execs!

Turns out being wrong never felt more right because I’ve been sticking with my eating plan and for the most part I’ve eliminated a large amount of gluten and refined foods from my diet. I also feel really good – who’d of thought? The curling iron and shoes are a nice perk but I’ve actually noticed some fundamental changes in my eating habits that make me want to stick to the plan more than anything else. Most noticeably, I’m not reaching for a snack every night.

I know beauty magazines love to preach that we should lose weight for ourselves – not for anyone else and not because society tells us to – and although I completely support the message, for me it comes down to being healthy. If the threat of a bathing suit helps me chose a salad instead of cake, so be it.

I am planning to give myself a long weekend off while in Vegas and then hop back on the wagon of veggies and lean protein as soon as I get home. My goals for this next round are going to focus on maintaining the eating habits I’ve established while adding in more time at the gym.

I’m sure I’ll dread every minute as much as I did the last 4 weeks. 

So what about you? Any pointers?

Happy Tuesday,

Calli